No doubt you have seen them: the skinny jeans. The carrot leg pants, the drainpipes, the peg leg pants, the pencil pants, the slimjims or however you want to call them... They're back. And they're ugly.
I remember them from when I was about 13. Back in those days, they were in fashion too. I thought they looked like %#$! then, and I still do now. The only difference is, however, that, at 13, I did not dare to speak my mind as I would now. So I wore them, like so many people do today.
To all of those people, mostly young and hence probably easily influenced by their peers, I would like to say: take a pair of scissors and turn them into shorts. Or rags. They might come in handy to clean your bike. Or to wipe the paint of the floor after you have redecorated your bedroom. Or... Well, you get the picture. But just get rid of them. I know I should have back in the eighties. And I am convinced so should you nowadays.
After all, in a few years, or even a few months time they will be passé anyway. And in the meantime, you will probably just make a fool of yourself. Of course, there is a number of people who don't look all that bad in them. But that's only because they are skinny themselves, or pencil-shaped, or peg-legged. Chances are big, however, that you are not. And even if you are: just say no anyway. They make you look silly. Ridiculous. Ludicrous. Preposterous. Farcical. Derisory. Pathetic even. Or desperate. But in any case... silly.
So even if you do but especially if you do not have the perfect model size: pleeeaaaase, stop spoiling my walks through the town, my lectures, my noon breaks in the park. And if you don't believe me: buy a mirror. I cannot believe you don't see for yourself that you are simply not cut out to wear jeans like that. And, especially for the female part of the population, certainly not the ones with the low waist. You know, the ones that make your belly fat pop out.
Mind you: there is nothing wrong with a little bit of belly fat. God knows I have some. And so does my wife. Actually, I find just a little bit of belly fat quite sexy in a woman. So no, this is not a plea for everybody to start going on a diet or to take up fitness classes just to get the looks of a super model.
If anything, this is a careful suggestion to reinstate the Greek principle of "Gnothi Seauton": know yourself. So enjoy your belly fat, but don't flaunt it in front of me. Not with a low-waist skinny jeans. And, girls, certainly not with a way too short tank top just above it. And while you are at it: lose the flat, ballerina-like shoes as well. You are not a ballerina. And yes, you are X-legged. Not that I mind, just don't draw everybody's attention to it. Deal?
PS: a true friend who is honest enough to tell you that you look silly when you do, might suit the purpose just fine. And if you ever run into me and think I am wearing something that doesn't suit me at all: just tell me. I promise I won't get mad at you. On the contrary: you will have risen a few steps on my scale of friends.